Some things take time, like building a good relationship. Or building a relationship coaching business.
Love and relationships have always been my focus. Always. They go hand in hand with my spirituality, which also has been at the center of my life since I was young.
For many years I studied, practiced, and experimented with love and spiritual life. They always were the center, but for years a deep-seated humility kept me from talking about either topic aside from one-on-one conversations. I didn’t feel I knew enough. I didn’t feel I was qualified. I couldn’t believe that I possibly had something to say about timeless topics that every one of us faces.
So I kept on working at it until one day I realized that I had far exceeded the 10,000 hours that Malcolm Gladwell says makes an expert.
More important, apparently I could contribute something.
Nothing about relationships or spirituality is new; if somebody tells you they have invented or discovered something new about the fundamentals of the human condition, go running the other way as fast as you can. What can be contributed, however, is clarity about universal truth—and context.
While connecting deeply with something larger than ourselves hasn’t changed, be it a Creator or another person, the application of these universal truths is particular to each person. Truth isn’t changing, but we’re changing and that’s where we get into trouble. Each one of us first must learn these universal truths, then we must learn and relearn how to apply them to our life repeatedly over the course of a lifetime.
I cannot add anything truly new about the nature of spirituality or good relationships, but what a lifetime has taught me is that I’m really good at not losing sight of the truth. I’m also really good at putting truth into practice, and applying it at any time and in any situation. So while I’m not inventing new ways to relate to a Creator or a romantic partner, I’m pretty good at knowing and applying the universal truths that create strong spirituality and an amazing relationship.
As a result, five years ago I started publicly talking about spirituality. This evolved into American Vedanta and the Philia Mission, and my work with the Ramakrishna Vedanta Association of Thailand and other organizations of faith. A lot of people have said I’ve made a difference in their lives, and a lot of nice things have been said about my writing and advice on the topic of spirituality.
But what I can give from a spiritual perspective dwarfs by comparison with what I can give regarding love and relationships. That’s because a deep relationship is a lot easier than enlightenment, and because love has always been my pathway to spirituality. If there is one thing I know, one thing I’ve focused on every day of my life, it is love and how to achieve closeness with another person.
Because love and relationships are universal, we all think about and experiment with them. The difference is that not all of us focus on them exclusively and grow our experience and understanding on the topic every day. Some people know a lot about spirituality, and other people have never really given it much thought. The same goes for love and relationships. We might be in a relationship, and we surely love, but that doesn’t mean we’re obsessed with it and know it deeply.
I am obsessed with love and relationships. I’ve known this my whole life. But it took me many years before I knew what to do with this obsession and growing expertise. It wasn’t until 2010 that I had an inclination of the path I should take, and it was another several years before the contours of my role took shape.
The past couple years I’ve known my overall direction, but laying the foundation has taken time. Now the patience and years of work behind the scenes is about to start bearing fruit.
This week I launched a full Kowalke Coaching web site, as well as Facebook for Kowalke Coaching and Twitter for Kowalke Coaching accounts for the business. Our free relationship advice newsletter launches next week, and the week after that we start our regular YouTube video series (you can get a sneak peak at the early demo by clicking this link).
There’s even more in the works, of course, but this is what you’ll see in August and September.
It is a very exciting time in my life. There’s going to be lots of ups and downs in the early days, the norm with any startup. But rarely does a person have absolute clarity regarding what they are meant to do, as well as the training and the opportunity to do it well and do it immediately.
That’s where I’m at, and it is very exciting. The long days are kinda hard, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Amma is an example of the brilliance within all of us if we are daring enough to pay attention.
What have you given up lately?
Life on the balcony.
Adjustments in my travel methodology.